Is it me or is Instagram becoming less about the bangin’ images and more about the whole package? .com blogs caught the baby bug and started having millions of gramlets called microblogs which we now regularly read and tap. If you’ve got scorching style, wanderlust a go-go, lifestyle galore and a piss-slipping caption to match, you are not only giving your audience all the R.E.S.P.E.C.T feels, but you’re hitting the nail on the head like you’re some kind of social media Bobby Berk (I’ve never actually seen him hit a nail into anything, he just seems to paint things and floof curtains, but he does it so well and that’s the point here).
Since everybody is getting hit in the left tit constantly by algorithms, I’ve worked out one that works for the people who are actually consuming the content as opposed to producing it. There are exactly three reasons why people go on Instagram:
- To be entertained
- For inspiration
- To learn
There are a few gals who take this algorithm and not only tick all the boxes, but make it their own. Their fashion sense, hilarity, honesty and consistency are enough to make my lazy ass turn on post notifications.
So I thought I’d share them:
Pie and Fash
Pie and Fash – also known as Daisy Keens. Her instantly recognisable and endlessly boundary-pushing fluff and pastel-filled garb makes her feed more fun to look at than a panda going down a slide (and that’s my kind of fun, people). Team that with captions that make a writer both green with envy and in absolute awe and you’ve got an all-around babe.
Expect captions like: “Dame Edna in the streets, freak in the sheets”
Lareese Craig – This bloody girl. You know when you see a person on Instagram and just pour over their feed because they’ve got editorial shots which seamlessly blend with captions that actually make you laugh out loud instead of just going ‘heh’ as you type ‘HAHAHA’? Lareese is that person. Her images are candid and gorge and her use of an #unrelatedcaption is unlike anything I’ve seen in the Insta space, making her feed a unique mix that is just something to aspire to. And after accosting her incredibly hungover in Dublin airport I can say she’s just lovely IRL, too.
Expect captions like: “I’m 27 years old and I’m too scared to go in a car wash on my own in case I die.”
Bex Robb – aka Petite Style Diaries. If you can make someone laugh in as little as 3 to 4 words, you’re gifted. Bex Robb’s captions are ironic in this way, she’s a petite blogger, which is personal brand genius. Not only this, her grown-up outfits, with tailored shorts and blazers aplenty, are always framed amongst quaint Scottish backdrops and interiors.
Expect captions like: “Tried to adult. Burned hole in dress with iron. Aborted mission🙃”
The Little Magpie
Amy Bell – aka The Little Magpie. I’ve followed this girl (in a non-stalker sense) for legit 5 years, ever since I was a social media intern back in’t day and it was my sole existence to find up and coming bloggers to send products to. I was instantly captured by Amy’s cheekbones, dress sense and Scottish charm. Not to mention she’s blaady hilar and relatable.
Expect captions like: “My cost per wear for this skirt is now down to about £0.01”
Disaster of a Thirty-Something
Sarah aka Disaster of a Thirty Something. Sarah is a freelance writer and sharer of daily peak and pit collective posts, whereby Instagrammers share a high and low of the day. She always adds some quips and fun to hers and they’re just a joy to read.
Expect captions like: “Well is this #asundaycarpic or what? And you *might* not be able to spot the leopard, but there’s also a teeny tiny pregnant woman in the back. TEENY tiny. SUPER smoo. Easy to miss.
Peak: I’m getting Mr G shivers of excitement that I’m seeing my sister @lydiaevangeline in a gig on Tuesday. Missed every gig she had last year while we were travelling (including 😭 supporting Elton – ELTON 😭 – with @iamjakeisaac) so roll on Tuesday. If you’re in London and fancy it, check her profile for tickets.
Pit: if I had a penny for every time someone’s asked me “oo, how you coping in this heat??” I’d have about 22p. And that can’t even buy you a Freddo these days. Well, I’ve been absolutely fine, but had my first proper hot flush today. Just as I was meeting a load of lovely new people – pastors, locals, potential pals – at @hillsonguknewcastle. But s’ok…if you can’t handle me at my sweaty upper lip, heavy breathing and funky chicken arms, you don’t deserve me at my cool, calm and collected.
So today: not complaining ’bout you sun, PROMISE. Don’t leave babes. Dooon’t leeeaavvve 🙏🏼 #thepeakandpitcollective”
I know there are literally thousands more, but these are just the ones that hit my double-tapping spot every damn time. If you have any Insta lads and ladyehs that make you pee a bit on the reg then please please send them my way.
Some things I’ve been consuming this week:
Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette. You’ve probably heard of this witty, hilarious, intelligent, poignant comedy set from the Australian comic, Hannah Gadsby. It will have you booming with laughter and dripping with tears in a switch so quick you didn’t realise it was happening. There’s so much to unwrap and unravel after watching that I’m going to delve into it again. Favourite quote: “Nothing is stronger than a woman who has rebuilt herself”. This needs to be printed on a T-shirt IMMEDIATELY.
We’ve all had a scary incident in the car where an emergency brake was slammed to avoid hitting someone. We’ve then thought ‘wow, imagine if I’d killed that person’. Well, for this Refinery 29 anonymous writer that became a reality. This piece recounts what how she accidentally killed a man when she was 28.
Caitlin Moran, as ever, takes something people go through every day and fills it with her humour and witticism. Here, she shares life lessons from her cockapoo in the last year. I simply love her.